Three Dollars Worth of God

I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.
Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep,
but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk
or a snooze in the sunshine.
I don’t want enough of God to make me love a black man
or pick beets with a migrant.
I want ecstasy, not transformation.
I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth.
I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack.
I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.

— Wilbur Rees


I am reminded that I tend to be this way. I am thankful that the Lord will not allow me to be there.

Tis the Season

As I am rushing around trying to get all accomplished before Christmas, I am reminded, once again, that the Lord could care less as to whether I've sent out this years' Christmas cards or whether I make this holiday party or that holiday party, or whether my house is perfectly decorated with every bow, garland or Christmas light in place.

All the other stuff can wait. . . .

At the moment, all is tranquil. . . my twiin girls are near me, doing their homework. Dinner is about done.

I am doing what is most important. . . .
Not stressing over what I need to do.

I guess the play we are doing at church this year has gotten through to me.

The main character (played by me) is a mother, who in her day was an theatre major. She is trying to put on the Church Christmas pageant, only to be "sabotaged" by all who are participating.

No one knows their lines, some kids are sick, so there are only 2 wisemen instead of three. The boys are fighting and everyone is miserable. The characters in the play believe the mom, who is head of the "Christmas Committee" has gone wacky because she has gone off the deep with this play, wanting everything perfect.

The mom sees herself as indispensable to the church. She believes that Christmas at the church wouldn't even happen if "she" didn't make it happen herself. She builds the set, she bakes the cookies, she creates the costumes, she writes the script and even arranges the music. On top of that, she has to get all done for her family's Christmas. All the time, not taking the time to enjoy the fact that Jesus was born to save her life. Not taking the time to celebrate his birth.

It isn't until her husband, the pastor, tells the kids in the play, a few stories about people forgetting Jesus' birthday, which relates to our present age, that she understand SHE is the ONE who has forgotten his birthday.

Everything turns out fine. . . the Christmas pageant goes on and the mom participates with joy in the end.

Dinner is ready and being served.

I must go.

Good night!!!

JOY TO THE WORLD
THE LORD IS COME
LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING!!!!

Fifteen Days Before Christmas!

So much to do. . . .so much to do. . . . .

Memorize lines

Buy Christmas Cards

Write them out

Print out the Christmas picture

Send them all

Buy Christmas gifts for family out of state

To buy online or here and just send them on

What to buy? What to buy? I don't know!

Oh memorize those lines, don't forget to memorize those lines.

Memorize the songs

Where do I stand? Which way do I walk again? Where am I headed?

Upstage or downstage?

Stage left or stage right?

You want more emotion?

Not enough passion?

Oh my gosh, what to make for dinner!!

What about laundry?

Running around while the kids are in school. . . .

Physical therapy, market, find an outfit for Saturday,

Can't I just meet my friend for coffee ?

Errands to run after school. . . .

Allergy shots on Tuesday

Homework

Piano lessons on Wednesday

Homework

Drum lesson on Thursday

Homework

One on her way to youth group on Wednesday,

While the other two are off to Awana.

Remember to bring stuff to decorate the leader like a tree.

In the car, back and forth, back and forth.

Don't forget he has youth group on Thursday.

Oh my gosh!!!

The neighborhood Christmas party is Friday.

Have to go, since it's across the street!!

Oh no!

Don't forget the dessert!!!

Piano recital on Saturday!!!

But first to take him to driver's training that morning.

Where to fit in a "updoo" and make up.

Company Christmas party that night.

Make sure to look like a million bucks!!!

Sunday would love to rest, but no can do

Get up for church,

Then on to drop off one at rehearsal

Drop him off at driver's training

Then back to pick up the one from rehearsal

Get home and put dinner together

Go back to pick him up from driver's training.

Oh my gosh!!

Christmas Shopping!!!

I've got to memorize those lines!!!

Where is the joy?

Next time.

Don’t Look Back

No matter how much we try, we can’t repeat history, we can’t pick up where we left off, we can’t go back and live life out differently.

We can look back on our lives and wish things had been different, but what if the life we are living today was the life we had to live to make us into who God is perfecting us to be?

My life. . . has been good overall. Sure, when the times were hard, they were HARD. . . for me. But I have been blessed beyond measure.

My life as a wife has at times been bittersweet. May I add that in ignorance and disobedience, I contributed to a lot of that bittersweetness. Noted author, Gary Thomas of “Sacred Marriage,” asks the question “What if marriage is NOT to make you happy, but to make you holy?” To put it this way, “what if the very person you are married to is exactly the person God would use to “clarify” the junk in your heart and mind, floating to the top, as butter is clarified when it is boiling. The fat floats to the top, and is scraped off.

I am thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness in my life. He continues to speak to me and show me that He is about “a work” in my life and my dear husband is part of that work.

This week, I found out that my neighbors are divorcing, another couple I know are separated, but hopeful of reconciling in their separated time. There are a handful of couples, I know, going through the same thing . . . thinking that the grass is going to be greener on the other side of the fence. These are church going people.

What is going on????

People, we are at the end of the age and the trials and tests planned for us are meant to see what we are made of. To the believers of the faith, I am speaking to.

We are more focused on being happy, than being holy. Do we even know what that means?

We all have hard times. We blame our upbringing, our past relationships, our parents,etc. We all have imperfect marriages. So what!!! Have we thought that perhaps we induced some of this hardship by making poor choices and taking our eyes of the “Author and Perfector of our faith?”

I know I am guilty, big time!!!

But I know my Redeemer lives!!! Thank You, Jesus!!!!

Romans 8:29 says, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.” In other words, God hand picked you and I to live out the life we are living today. Does that mean He wants us in a bad marriage or an unfulfilled one? NO!!! Praise Him that He has given us free will to choose. We live out the repercussions of those choices, good or bad, for which we cannot blame God.

My feelings for those I’ve known who left, tore, ripped their families apart to fulfill their inflated idea that their new life with their new “soul mate” would be everything they had ever fantasized. But sadly, I have come to find out that their life is worse than before.

What about if there is abuse or addiction? These are extenuating circumstances, which should be addressed by one who is qualified. But as one, who grew up in an abusive home with addictions, I can say, for myself, that God has used that time in my life to strengthen me and show me that I if I keep my eyes on Him, He will get through those rough seasons.

A snippet of my past caught me recently. Well it’s more like I had pursued the past. For a split moment, I wondered . . . “what if,” all the while I was in my time in God’s Word. I believe before the thought became too nurtured, the Lord spoke to me in the verse of the day. . .

“But Jesus said to him, “no one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:62

Okay, there it is!!! Immediately, I was sobered up! What happened to Lot’s wife when she looked back at Sodom? She became a pillar of salt. Why? I believe she was unwilling in her heart to say goodbye to her life back in Sodom, her idea of happiness.

I am reminded of Galatians 5:16 “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you DO NOT DO the THINGS that you wish.”

The bottom line. . .

I can’t go back.

And truly, I don't want to go back.

I want to go forward.

And pursue righteousness.

To Glorify the Lord in my walk and not put on a “show” when out, like the Pharisees did, but be genuine at home, whether by myself or with my family, where it counts.

I want to be fit for the kingdom of God.


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My Fiery Furnace is not as hot as some

Our home fellowship is doing a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel. . . POWERFUL!!!

Regarding Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. . .

King "Nebby" had ordered that they be thrown into the fiery furnace, Daniel 3:13 - 18 Beth Moore stops here to talk about how perhaps we might be facing a fiery furnace of some type in our own lives.


She uses the example (speaking to ladies here) that perhaps we find a lump and the doctors say it is malignant. She says: "Consider three different scenarios of which people of God will face in their fiery trial.


One of three things can or will happen:

Scenario A: Pray for healing; for a miracle. Go to the doctors and find that the lump is gone!!!

Through this season we find that we can be delivered from the fire. The dividend is. . . our faith is built.

As with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, they were delivered from the fire.


Scenario B: Because the lump is malignant, necessary steps will have to be taken, i.e. surgery, chemo, etc. We find that we can be delivered through the fire. John 11:4 says, that "it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." We are all gonna have to go through the fire somehow, some way. But God will be glorified.


In Isaiah 43, it says " Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have summoned you by name; you are mine . . . I will be with you. . . When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."


1 Peter 1:6,7 says: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

So the end result? Our faith is refined!


Scenario C: Modern medicine will not work. Jesus will be calling you home. Beth says this is what we SHOULD be attaining for. But we in our flesh struggle with taking off the coat and leaving it behind.


But what happens in death is that we can be delivered by the fire. Hebrews 12:1, 2 says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."


Christ is the Author and Perfector of our faith.


The dividend? Our faith is perfected. "The last enemy to be destroyed is death." 1Cor 15:26. And James 1:12 says; "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." And through this season "that what has happened. . . has really served to advance the gospel." (Phil 1:12)


If we look back at Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, they had been tied up and thrown in. But afterward, "Nebby" saw them walking "unbound!" The only thing that was flammable were their "ropes" So she was saying that "God will allow us to go through the "fiery furnace" to allow the areas of our lives that we are bind us(ropes), to be burned off of us.


That was so profound to me. AMAZING!!!


So afterwards, a lovely couple in their 60's shared that they are going through "Scenario B."

Donna has been diagnosed with breast cancer and through prayer with her husband, Larry and prayer family, she has opted against traditional medicine, including surgery.

She has chosen death, if that is what the Lord has for her.

Let's just say, not a word was spoken, not a breath breathed!

But they KNOW that God has called them to this journey and they believe that God has healed Donna. In the meantime, she has work to do. Three women she knows have been diagnosed with breast cancer in the same week! God is using her to encourage them. She is also seeing a naturopath and the lump is shrinking.

What a lovely couple.


I went to Bible study feeling very discouraged about some very small trials that occurred this evening, but I left there "encouraged" and strengthened.

Obsessive Thoughts and A Horse

I need to go to bed, but wanted to jot down my day. . .

Getting older is so hard. Obsessing over things I can’t control. I wish I could. But it seems that even the littlest of things send me to spiral in my mind. . . a bruise, graying hair, an age spot (which thank you Lord, I do not have!)

I know I’ve injured my right middle knuckle somehow this week, but can’t figure out how I did. But when I make a fist, it looks a bit different.

I surrendered my feelings and thought I was over it until last night when it was pretty apparent that my mood had changed. As my son described it, he said I turned “emo.” I thought it was great insight on his part.

Moment by moment today, I had to push the feeling to obsess aside, so that my 12 year old daughter and I could hunt down a dress for a “Father/Daughter” date night at our church.

Here she is. . . battling a severe asthma this week, another round of steroids to open her up, plus dealing with regulating her thyroid and rarely does she complain, let alone obsess. Yet, Thursday night, after a night at Red Robin for her birthday, I hear her in her room, turning on her nebulizer to give herself a treatment. Pobrecita, mija.

So I have to put my own battle aside and spend some time with her. It was fun. We found several dresses, which we bought and would make the final decision at home.
Of course, I thought she looked beautiful. And I think she felt the same. Its hard being twelve sometimes, but not tonight.

So what to do with the twins.

They were voicing their opinions on not being invited on this date, too. So I knew I had to find a way to spend time with them that would take their minds off of being jealous of Maria. 

Go to a movie! But what’s playing? Oh I hope there a kid friendly movie out there.

Yes! “Flicka!” I do a quick time check and then check the reviews. . . like it would really matter. As long as it’s PG, is what I am thinking, who cares about reviews?!

So I invite my young friend, Nichole to go with us. Her husband was at the Father Daughter thing helping out.

My son Doug wants no part of seeing Flicka, so he decides to go see “The Prestege.”

Flicka was a little more than I bargained for. Sure, Tim McGraw is in it. I have no idea who he is aside from seeing his face on just about every magazine at the checkout with his wife Faith Hill. I’ve never heard his music . . . I didn’t even know he was an actor!

There were some cheesy moments here and there. But Alison Lohman who plays “Katy” is believable, especially in the way she builds her trust with Flicka.

One of the reviews was right. . . it said to bring tissue. I was not expecting to be “verklempt” at all. But not only I, but a good portion of the audience needed tissue. Nichole and I laughed afterwards, we both thought we going to see a nice little “horsey” movie with the twins.

There was an adorable little girl next to Sophie and I (Lucy sat with Nichole behind us), who could not be consoled. She looked to be about 4ish and she totally understood what was going on and cried more than anybody there. I felt so sorry for her. But it was cute.
Of course, when she was able to see how the story was moving along, she began to feel better.

It was fun to sit with at least one of my baby girls and enjoy this time with her. She and Lucy love horses. If they could, they would love to have their own horse. During the ending credits, there are multiple snapshots of girls with their horses and I was hoping the twins would not try to hit me up for a horse. I was thankful that they were just happy to have seen the movie.

The date night was a success! Maria is happy and tucked into bed. Hubby is back at his “second life,” twins are in bed reading and I am trying not to obsess over my hand. God is good though, He knows my every thought. This morning’s time with Him, in Isaiah. . . I read,

“Let the people renew their strength!. . .
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. . .
For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand,
Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'
Isaiah 41: 1, 10, 13

Amazing read! I had not planned to read this chapter, it’s just where I am. I am reminded that He hears me! And that even though my right hand is somewhat in pain or looking a bit unusual (to me and only me), that I have nothing to fear. I am renewed, strengthen and held up with the “Right hand” of the One who calms my anxious heart.

There is Power

As I am driving away from our church's "Women's Breakfast yesterday," I say out loud, "Lord, I don't know why I am in awe of You. I should not be surprised by Your wonder."

Since being asked (a month ago) to lead the worship for this event, so many things came up and then there has a been the "down time."

And as I journaled in my previous blog, this week had been hectic. But I felt a peace that the worship would be alright. A friend told me a few days before that as a result of this week's craziness, He will be glorified through the music, He will be take over and the music will flow from me and my friends and will touch the many ladies attending.

How the Lord works it all out. . .

I didn't have time to ask my one friend to play percussion, but the Lord took care of it. . . she called me 2 days before the breakfast to let me know she would play. And my other friend was available to sing backup . . . as long as she knew the songs, that is. . . amazing. . . she did!!

The day of the breakfast. . .

I am not a guitar player by any means, but I am lead to play and use it in my worship. And I believe God is gracious to shield the ears of those who can tell the difference between good playing and bad. :-)

Trying to get 60+ ladies to stop talking can be a challenge. If you call them to attention, the majority may turn towards your voice, but you'll still have some stragglers (such as myself) who continue to talk. I understand!!! But a few strums will!

Even though I love to sing, sometimes I can get mixed up if I am playing and singing, so having someone else sing, I can go in and out and sing as I am lead to. I love to hear women singing, especially when they are in harmony.

I begin with "O My Redeemer." "I will praise you, O My Redeemer, repeat, For You are worthy, repeat, but this time I don't sing, instead I hear the most beautiful harmonies coming from these sweet ladies. . . my friend leading worship with me turned to me and smiled. . . she knew what I was thinking. :-) My heart begins to take off into worship.

I knew this worship time would be amazing. . .

I move on to "Hungry." As I get through "I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me," I notice one of my dear friends weeping. I am touched. I know that the Lord is touching her heart.

Moving through the songs, I notice there are others who are wiping their tears. Inside, I know that God has been glorified. I am thankful that I was used as His vessel and able to witness this beautiful moment.

I also realize when it is all over that I cannot take any credit. But I am reminded of the multiple ways of God faithfulness to those in the Word who lacked in ability, but proceeded anyway knowing they had the power of the Holy Spirit with them.

And that is what I saw yesterday. . . His power.